Last week, I played live for the first time in a long time. This was also the first time that I’ve played poker in months. Since the government ban on poker and the overall poker world, I’ve been hesitant to play. The problem was two fold- for one, I was scared for my money. The poker world is the definition of unstable at the moment, with sites going under, the government shutting things down, new legislation each day, etc. The second was that my heart simply wasn’t in it.
I’ve been playing poker in a serious manner for several years. I ate, drank, slept poker. And I can truly look back and say that poker has changed my life.
And so all things must come to an end. Though poker will forever be embedded in my life (most importantly in the way I approach situations and my thought process behind my actions), I did not want to do it anymore as a living. Burnt out, sick of it, fatigued, call it what you will. I couldn’t do it. And though poker is insanely lucrative when you’re passionate and hungry, it’s a demon when you’re sick of it. Sure, you can maintain a huge hourly and make insane amounts of money from the comfort of your couch. But when the fire is gone and you just go into grind robot mode, and your money goes. You don’t get reprimanded by your boss or have clients bitch at you, you just lose your money. People putting their hand in your bank account and grabbing cash on the way out.
Being out of poker the last several months, it’s been different. I’ve tried looking for jobs, with no avail. And so here I am, a college graduate with a useless ass degree and only the skills of a scum bag hustler poker player.
My friend linked me this video a while back. I laughed about it and I actually think it might be true. It’s a scene from Superfly, a story about a cocaine dealer trying to get out of the life.
You know – you got this fantasy in your head of gettin’ out of the life and settin’ that other world on it’s head. What the fuck are you gonna do except hustle?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OwtsRUii8h4
Maybe it’s what I’ll do for the rest of my life. I have no idea. I find that clip amusing, though, because some of my friends really will try to ride poker out as long as they can. And after, when the money is gone and the fish have expired, what happens then?
So, here we are. Last week, I played poker for the first time in a long while. And even though I was bored at times, even though I was rusty, and even though I didn’t play my A-game through and through, I felt alive. God, it’s hilarious writing this, because I am reminded by Mike McD all those years ago when watching Rounders. I even went through the trouble of finding the clip on the internet to refresh yourselves-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=85DIbBYs86o&feature=related#t=3m52s
I didn’t win much. But the sheer sensation of playing poker again, it felt good. I don’t expect anyone who doesn’t play(ed) poker to understand this post in the least. But to go back and find a former passion and act on it- it was exhilarating.
I’m going to still try to find a job this coming year. I’ll also consider playing more live.
Peace